Posts tagged #characteristicsofwhitesupremacyculture
People pleasing as a barrier to engagement

Earlier this year, we did a deep dive into people pleasing, and how people pleasing should not consistently traumatize the people you are trying to please.

We did several group sessions on people pleasing, and it seemed to open people up to thinking about people pleasing and its adverse impacts in new ways.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that people pleasing goes away overnight.

These patterns and habits are deeply ingrained in us, and are often rooted in strategies developed to respond to childhood trauma or harm.

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Transparency matters

Last week we talked about how feedback may be painful but is critical for equity and inclusion. To follow up on that conversation, it also feels important to say that transparency matters.

I often like to say that the only thing worse than not gathering feedback is gathering feedback and then not sharing the results.

Seriously. The distrust and loss of morale that can be caused by this is not to be underestimated.

And I can’t tell you the number of times we hear from staff that this has happened when we start working with organizations.

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Feedback may be painful but it is critical for equity and inclusion

When I first started doing DEI consulting, I have to say I didn’t expect that so much of what we do would be about opening up spaces so our clients can gather feedback from across their staff.

However, it has proven to be one of the most valuable aspects of our work.

What we’ve realized is that we are hired to uncover the truths that may be painful for organizations to hear but that have the potential to be transformative if only they are open to it.

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Inclusion isn't just about being nice to people

I've come to see that paternalism is my own personal kryptonite. I can't stand people thinking they know better than me what is best for me - and not just thinking it, but assuming and acting on it.

The truth is that I've experienced paternalism my entire life. It's everywhere - it's in the air we breath, and we're all, to varying degrees, socialized into it.

It's also pretty much a founding principle for most of our non-profit and mission driven corporate clients.

The thing that we find that organizations and their leaders don't understand though is that paternalism hurts them too.

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Lip service

I'll admit that, up until recently, I had thought more of lip service as saying something when you don't actually mean it.

What we're seeing is a kind of lip service where the organization or person may actually genuinely mean what they say, or think that they do, but when it comes to taking action, especially actions that come with some sort of cost, they balk.

It's the gap between intention and action that we have long seen, recognized, identified, and named, but only recently have I started to connect that to lip service.

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Screaming into the wind

BLACK LIVES MATTER

We say this because the US was founded on the principle that they didn't, and that principle is still at the bedrock of every institution today.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. Tony McDade. Ahmaud Arbery. And all the countless others, these only being the latest.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

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Holding steady and centering on the most marginalized in times of crisis

Getting adjusted to the "new normal" and posing some questions.

What does anti-oppression and anti-racism work look like in a pandemic or other crisis?

How can we hold a growth mindset, create realistic plans, and promote transparency and open decision-making? How can we share rather than hoard power? How can we hold space for complexity? How can we collaborate?

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