Goals we can control

Try this - think about three things that would make the rest of your day great. Jot them down on a piece of paper or a note on your phone or computer.

Now, take a look at them and consider, how many of the things you wrote down are completely within your control?

Chances are that at least one of them, if not all three, is not within your control.

We’ve been taught that the things that make us happy, the things that we should want, are often the things that happen to us - winning the lottery, getting a promotion, going on a great date.

And yes sometimes what makes a day great is something unexpected that we receive - a compliment, a positive interaction, less traffic than we expected.

How often, though, do we take matters into our own hands and think about ways in which we can make our own day great?

Thanks to The Five Minute Journal, which is based on “positive psychology research” (and may lean a little too much towards toxic positivity for some of you), I try and do this daily and I can tell you - I do not find it easy or intuitive.

But it’s been interesting to lean into curiosity and observe myself at this practice.

It helps when I can think of it less as a practice of “focusing on the positive” and more about connecting to my agency and my needs.

What are the things that I need that I can provide for myself?

It’s also another way to shift from external validation seeking.

Yes of course, things happen to us that are outside our control yet impact us. And I’m not saying we should only rely on ourselves to get our needs met.

Nor am I saying we shouldn’t pay attention or even be held accountable to outcomes and impacts that are not entirely within our control.

However, if we can look at outcomes and impacts as feedback on how effective our actions are, we will be more likely to be able to adjust rather than defend our actions.

It also means we are less likely to burn out from trying to control outcomes that are beyond our control.

As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says in “Forget about setting goals. Focus on this instead”:

When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. And a system can be successful in many different forms, not just the one you first envision.

I know, happiness through systems sounds decidedly… well, not for everyone (although on the CCI team we really are that geeky!)

But if it sounds more appealing, think of it this way - you can find satisfaction in the journey.

Banner photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash

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